My story

My story of moving away is linked to my student years. Until the moment I had to move, I’d never been away from my home town for more than a few days – on holiday. Suddenly, I found myself in a new city. It was exciting, new and fun. I love exploring new places, but… A week went by and I began to realise that I wasn’t on a holiday – I had to live there!!! The start was fun, but as I got to know the new place, I came down with food or water poisoning. Suddenly I found myself alone in my little attic room with a window looking out onto the sky. Sick, in bed, with no friends and no phone (it was a long time ago), so I couldn’t seek any physical or emotional support. I was bedridden for 10 days. I lost 10 kilograms. No one came looking for me – no one knew where to find me. Those were the most desperate 10 days of my life. I’d had more than my fair share of ‘ear-fulls’. That incident crushed me. I re-evaluated myself, the world, my relationships, even the meaning of my life. Things got back on track; I gave out my contact details to everyone, made friends there, but every Friday I’d wait for the train home with tears in my eyes, and I’d catch it back again, still in tears. When I arrived there, I pulled myself together – what I was studying fulfilled me, but it couldn’t fill the voids that appeared with the train timetable. Every day after that, it became harder and harder to get myself together in the morning, and so at one point I simply broke down – weight loss, depression, constant crying.... I decided – I’m giving it all up – I can’t do this, I’m falling apart. I spoke to my lecturers and told them I had to put my studies on hold to look after myself. They were incredibly insistent that I should carry on, because I had potential. So they suggested I study by correspondence, an option I hadn’t even thought of in my panic. I was so desperate I couldn’t think straight. I continued my studies in the way they suggested, but I only travelled there four times a year for two weeks at a time. It was brilliant – I was there, but only for a short while – I knew I’d be coming home. I learnt so many lessons, experienced so much, learnt so much, gained so much. I was, no, I WASN’T, I AM.